Focusing on a set of predetermined questions

The journey between middle age and old age is a complex zone of developmental currents that are demanding and confusing yet unavoidable. Knowing the mission of where you are coming from and where you are going is essential but not enough. Even with this knowledge, all of us are going to get off course time and again trying to get to old age in good shape. We need something else. Part of that something else is “navigational thinking.”

Navigational thinking involves using questions that have the unique ability to get sixty-something adults back on track and keeping them there. The questions are simple and yet profound, and can be used in any situation to initiate and sustain a course correction. Their effectiveness lies in their uncanny ability to redirect the emotional intensity of transition currents into useful thinking. It is a similar process that pilots use during an in-flight emergency. They resist the natural response to panic by focusing their attention on a set of predetermined questions that lead them to useful thinking about the best course of action to save not only their lives, but also the lives of the passengers who are counting on them.

Navigational thinking helps redirect our natural tendency towards “problem fixation” through questions that help us focus on new insights, choices, and possibilities. The questions have no right or wrong answers; they are not a test. They simply offer a starting point for a new internal conversation about an experience, circumstance, feeling, or problem. Like all cognitive strategies, they are more effective when written down, annotated, reconsidered days later, and possibly shared. Here is an example of a navigational thinking question and how it is useful:

What is the big picture?

Between middle age and old age it is easy to lose sight of the big picture. There are just too many disorientating events pouring down on our lives. Once things take a turn for the worse, the big picture narrows or quickly vanishes. The “big picture” question offers sixty-something adults a way to hit the cognitive “reset” button and recover a more useful perspective.

The big picture of the “in-between” zone reminds us that it is a demanding, complicated, confusing, and stressful passage. The normal response is to feel disoriented and get easily knocked off course. But this is only half of the story. The big picture also reassures us that we will recover and get back on track. This is not wishful thinking. We have personally witnessed numerous cycles of setbacks and recoveries in our lives up to now. Some of them we deeply believed we would never get over. But we did. The big picture reaffirms that our “in-between” passage is just another version of this familiar though not always pleasant process of change. Given time, we will adjust to these unfamiliar currents and become surprisingly adept at navigating the uncertainty and ambiguity of being “in-between.”

Big Picture Take Home

Do not overestimate your capabilities to handle the transition currents. For most of us, they are impossible to navigate alone. False heroics only lead to bad outcomes. Partner up at every opportunity to increase your “collective capacity” to find successful course corrections as well as the invaluable comfort of family and friends.

Identify unreasonable expectations for what they are: unreasonable. The transition currents pile on wave after wave of complex demands. This is a terrible time to insist on perfection. Life is messy; allow yourself to have messy, totally human moments.

Accept the transition currents as “time in the wilderness” where there are no immediate answers or directions. Remember that life’s breakthroughs are always preceded by turbulence and doubt. You have done this before and you know that over time resources and solutions will emerge.

In my next blog I will look at other “navigational thinking” questions that are especially useful for being “in-between.”

About David Solie

Geriatic psychology expert David Solie is a popular and entertaining speaker who has been a featured presenter at Pepperdine University, Merrill Lynch, Smith Barney, Blue Cross, The Million Dollar Round Table (MDRT), The International Forum, The Association for Advanced Life Underwriters (AALU), The Portland Estate Planning Council, The Washington State Estate Planning Council, The Western Regional Planned Giving Conference, The California CPA Conference and The Dallas Estate Planning Council.

He is the author of "How To Say It to Seniors: Closing the Communication Gap with Our Elders," published by Prentice Hall Press. Written for baby boomers and their parents, professionals who work with the elderly, and everyone who has regular contact with seniors, this book offers an original perspective on why these conversations can be an exercise in frustration. Whether the communication difficulties involve parents, patients or clients, Mr. Solie's book provides a fresh and inspiring look at new strategies and skills for overcoming these challenges.

To learn more about David Solie, or to subscribe to his newsletter, you can visit his website: dsolie.com.

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