One of the new mantras of aging in the twenty-first century is the refrain "sixty is the new forty." Maybe. Good health and an impressive array of lifestyle options certainly make many of today's sixty year olds look different compared to their parent's generation. But appearances can be misleading. In their rush to celebrate biological vibrancy, sixty year olds could miss a crucial piece of information about what occurs developmentally on the journey to seventy. Biology is not psychology, and failure to appreciate the difference could leave elders uninformed and ill prepared for their final mission.

Sixty year olds represent an "in between generation," meaning not quite middle age and not quite old. Developmentally, "in between" is an appropriate characterization of a transition period marked by "agenda crossover." What do I mean?

Middle age and old age have markedly different developmental agendas. The transition between these age groups is not sudden. It is a crossover process where one agenda ramps off while the other ramps on. From a psychological perspective, knowing where you are coming from is interesting; knowing where you are going is essential. Here is where elders are coming from.

Middle age is dominated by two primary developmental tasks, the "mission" of being fifty-something:

1. Preserve stability in world of increasing personal volatility.

2. Reinvent purpose and direction for the second half of life.

The instability of middle age is well known. It is an involuntary passage into life changing currents that include death in the family, unsettled children, chronic illness, career upheavals, aging parents, and changing partnerships. It is a complex and sobering period that requires super-human effort just to "keep things together." Truth be told, most of us don't keep things together, but we do get better at coming to terms with the "physics" of how life operates, negotiating a fragile peace with a vast list of items that remain outside of our control.

The other task of middle age is reinvention in an environment essentially devoid of public goals. This is in sharp contrast to the clear marching orders of the first half of life, a period in which society offer young adults concrete guidelines for their life's journey. Getting an education, landing a good job, finding the right partner, starting a family, and becoming successful are themes that inundate conversations in the first half of life. As such, they are a public refrain that define and reinforce social goals. And then, almost overnight, this social broadcasting mysteriously ceases. In middle age, public goals give way to private goals, a navigational shift in which life's purpose and direction becomes like a 401K, self-directed with the increased burden of trying to sort through a long list of confusing and at times conflicting choices.

Despite the demands of the middle age, by sixty most adults have successfully adopted to the tasks. They have found their version of personal stability and made significant headway in defining what they want and where they are going in the second half of life. But beneath this success is a new set of developmental currents that are beginning to surface as middle age recedes. Their arrival over the next ten years will usher in what is arguably the most difficult and magnanimous mission in life. As Bette Davis remarked, "Old age is no place for sissies."

In my next blog, I will discuss the final mission, what it is, how it surfaces by age seventy, and its profound impact on elders and their families.

About David Solie

Geriatic psychology expert David Solie is a popular and entertaining speaker who has been a featured presenter at Pepperdine University, Merrill Lynch, Smith Barney, Blue Cross, The Million Dollar Round Table (MDRT), The International Forum, The Association for Advanced Life Underwriters (AALU), The Portland Estate Planning Council, The Washington State Estate Planning Council, The Western Regional Planned Giving Conference, The California CPA Conference and The Dallas Estate Planning Council.

He is the author of "How To Say It to Seniors: Closing the Communication Gap with Our Elders," published by Prentice Hall Press. Written for baby boomers and their parents, professionals who work with the elderly, and everyone who has regular contact with seniors, this book offers an original perspective on why these conversations can be an exercise in frustration. Whether the communication difficulties involve parents, patients or clients, Mr. Solie's book provides a fresh and inspiring look at new strategies and skills for overcoming these challenges.

To learn more about David Solie, or to subscribe to his newsletter, you can visit his website: dsolie.com.

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posted at 04:32:06 PM