Q. We'd like to discuss how our father's new wife fits into his estate planning. There's a family lake home that means a lot to us kids, and it's his biggest asset. How do we talk about inheritance without appearing ungrateful?

A. You need to ask yourself some deep questions. Are you hanging onto the lake home because it has so many memories, or because of some other benefit? Do you not trust Dad to make a fair decision? Or do you just want to make sure you get the house?

Luckily, you have a chance to work on these issues with your father while he's alive. So have the conversation. There's no graceful way to do it, but you could start with, "I'm concerned that your wife might take the lake house, and I'd like it, too." This won't be easy, but there's great potential for growth in this process, and I applaud you for trying.

One more thing: I wouldn't involve your stepmother yet. This is an issue for your family of origin. Besides, you don't know what she may have ahead of her. Ten years from now, she could be taking care of your dad—while you're out there living your life.

-Nader Shabahangi, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist for elders, CEO of AgeSong and Founder of Pacific Institute.

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posted at 02:49:49 AM