Q: I think it's time to find assisted living care for our dad, but my siblings disagree. How do we solve this?

A: Imagine you're 80 years old and sitting alone in a room while everyone else is outside making decisions about you. Come on! Even when there's forgetfulness, there's always someone at home. You need to sit down and talk about this with everyone—including your dad. That means talking through everyone's feelings and concerns, not just jumping ahead to what you think ought to be done. Most people start thinking about assisted living not because they're trying to get rid of their loved one, but because they feel he or she needs more care. So let your concerns be known. If you start meeting on a weekly basis, eventually you'll reach some conclusions. And don't rush the process. Whatever issues you ignore now will only necessitate damage control later.

-Nader Shabahangi, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist for elders, CEO of AgeSong and Founder of Pacific Institute.

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posted at 10:11:54 AM