Making New Friends
Monday, June 02, 2008
Starting a new life in a new town
Making friends at any age is one of life's challenges. Making them all over again when your life has changed in some way can really separate the women from the girls. But with a little effort, imagination, and some chutzpah, you can do it—and enjoy some of the best relationships ever.
And if you're hesitating, ask yourself how many of your old friends are people you would have picked? More likely they were parents of your children's friends, or the only acquaintances your husband liked, too. But now you can find people you like. When I moved 3,000 miles from most of my friends—from New York City to Sausalito, California, I wondered how I was ever going to make new friends.
First of all, I resolved to approach it with the same determination that I bring to my work. I decided I had to:
● Be bold and imaginative. I picked up the phone and called the publisher of my local newspaper, told him I had a publishing background myself, and asked if we could have coffee one morning, since who else could tell me more about my new hometown? Martin and his wife, Josie, have since become good friends, and they're always up on local activities that might interest me.
● Take advantage of chance. When I received a neighbor's mail by mistake and, worse, opened it, I delivered it personally with an apology. She invited me to brunch with another neighbor, and another friendship began.
● Tap a dream. Think of something you've always wanted to do—speak Italian, learn to sail—and take a course. You'll meet some soul mates for sure.
● Give. After you've done even some of the above, give a buffet party, invite everyone you've met so far, and ask them to bring a friend. Don't be embarrassed to admit that you want to meet people. Give some effort to the community. Act like you care—about people, about issues, about life. Be open and friendly every chance you get. Give time and attention to others. Live by the old saying, "To make a friend, ask a favor. To keep a friend, do a favor." It's still true.
- Leda has published a book of essays called, "Look for the Moon in the Morning." To learn more about Leda Sanford you can visit her website, ledasanford.com.
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Newsvineposted at 08:37:36 PM | comments (1)
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Making Friends later in life
This (Starting Life in a New Town) was wonderful to read! I resonated with some of it, was inspired by some of it and knew the truth, really, of all Leda's ideas.
And what freedom these ideas represent! I used to be terribly shy regarding friendships; it took forever for me to feel confident about entering a new one. And I stuck it out forever with friendships that I didn't like that much. (Yikes. I look back and see the time that was wasted for that most beautiful thing in life, friendship.)
When my life crashed and burned, when I was 55, I moved to a different part of town--but it really could have been a different state, I was that isolated. All that old shyness disappeared because I was using all my energy and smarts to just survive. I started to write for a living and because I was finally doing something I truly loved, I became myself out in the world. So the friendships that I made during this period were not based on need or habit--they were based on mutual delight. I made friends with individuals who were much younger and much older, too.
Now I am writing my book about couples who find love in the later years (www.autumnlove.org) and each interview turns into a new friendship because we get right to the heart of things. We talk about real stuff. Plus, the couples I am meeting are unusually open-hearted, courageous and spiritual.
When I read Leda's piece, I realized I would ENJOY meeting new people in a new town. I loved the ideas she put forth. It's FUN to strike up a friendship over 60 when you have 60 years of thoughts, ideas, experiences and wisdom you want to share!