A solid social support system can make the difference between a successful and a stressful retirement. Dozens of studies have found that friendships are vital to our emotional health throughout our lives. For too many retirees, their friends were people with whom they worked; the office was their community and their social life. Retirement didn't just mean the end of work for them—it meant the end of the social activity that connected to it. As a result, many retirees find themselves having to make new friends or be alone.

Some retired people find themselves gravitating back to friends from their youth, even if they haven't been in touch for years. Old friends remind us of who we were and who we wanted to be. And it is both relaxing and energizing to be with people we have known for a long time. Local alumni chapters and school reunions, or just picking up the phone, are great ways to contact friends with whom you have lost touch. These people, whom you have known for years, have been busy, too, but they probably would love to hear from you. Friends are important at all times in your life, particularly when you have happy occasions to share, like successes, children's weddings, or graduations. And they are especially valuable when you experience a loss, like the death of a parent or spouse. If you are lucky enough to have good old friends, embrace them. They are literally keeping you alive.

But what about new friends? Remember taking your children to the park and watching them approach another child and begin to play together, without fear of rejection? At a certain age, children do learn about exclusion and rejection, but they keep trying. The trick to making friends is to turn yourself back into that three-year-old who doesn't expect exclusion. If you want to meet new people, you will have to walk right up to them and be assertive.

As adults, however, we often stop putting ourselves in situations where we might be left out or ignored. But the truth is that we aren't in high school anymore and now we can decide which one is the "cool table." So at the next meeting or luncheon or lecture you attend, choose a group of people, walk over, and introduce yourself. Start by attending an event where you share a common interest with other participants—a concert, a class, or a lecture. Talk with the "strangers" about the speaker, the music, or other concerts you have attended, and you might find that the people you meet share your interests. Some music lovers find that by ushering at concerts they get the opportunity to hear music they love (for free), meet others who also usher, and make new friends who might like to go to future concerts and events with them.

However you go about doing it, just remember: If your attempt to make friends doesn't work the first time, don't give up. As always, to make a friend, you must be a friend, and it won't hurt to appear responsive and open to conversation. No one wants to approach a newcomer who looks unfriendly and aloof. If someone meets your eye, don't look away. If a person looks like he or she needs assistance, even if it means helping to open a folding chair at a lecture, offer it. That person could turn out to be a new friend.

–Miriam Goodman is the author of Reinventing Retirement: 389 Bright Ideas about Family, Friends, Health, What to Do and Where to Live, from Chronicle Books, at book stores and online.

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