As Immediate-Past President of the American Geriatric Society and Chief of Geriatrics and Gerontology at the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha, Nebraska, Dr. Jane Potter gives advice about caring for aging loved ones every day. Her professional expertise doesn’t always help, though, when it comes to caring for her own father, age 89, and her mother, 92. “I do this for a living. I work with families,” she says, aware of the irony. “Even though I could see the same things in our family, it’s not the same.”

Living only a mile and a half away from her parents—both of whom suffer from a variety of health problems—helps take off some of the pressure. Still, “there are stress points,” Potter says. When her father remained in denial after being diagnosed with bladder cancer, Potter worried about how she would get him to his doctor. “I’d wake up at night thinking, “How am I going to do this?” she recalls.

What she did: Potter was spending up to 15 hours a week with her parents, in addition to 50 hours at her job, when she decided to call in reinforcements—namely her five siblings. “These are the times we’re going to need help,” she’d write in specific emails that outlined dates and schedules. “Tell me when you’re going to come.”

The messages worked. Now Potter makes sure she has doctor trips and other appointments taken care of, so she can feel comfortable getting away with her own family. “Sometimes you have to put your foot down and say, I have things covered. I can’t always be the one who’s here.”

What she’s learned: Caregiving can be a burden, but it also brings many joys. “Unless you have the stress, you don’t get the rewards,” Potter says. “The last 10 to 15 years I’ve been very special to my parents, and that feels good.”